I grew up in Nigeria without my biological dad – he was never around. I watched my mum raise me and my brother on her own, and I knew that it was hard for her. But no matter how bleak life got, she stood by us always. I’ve always admired her for that.

She later got married again, and my step-dad really took us in as his own. His welcome, love and care has really shaped me into the woman I am today. The commitment I experienced from both my mum and my step-dad inspired me enormously, and played a huge role in my desire to care for a child through adoption one day.

I moved to the UK when I was twelve. Fast forward through teenage years and into adulthood and I met my husband, Matt*. He grew up in Stockport in a huge family. Even before we got married we spoke about the idea of growing our family through adoption. Once we were married, after we had three birth children and as soon as our youngest child was old enough, we began the process.

We had a brilliant social worker – we were so thankful for them! The whole process is very personal, so to have one person walking with you from the very beginning all they way to your daughter coming home was a really beautiful thing. She included our birth children in the assessment in a really sensitive and appropriate way, which felt really important. Our whole family was going to adopt this little one, not just me and my husband. The process was, at times, really in depth – I think our social worker knows more about us than anyone else! But it has to be; it’s extremely necessary.

There was lots of training, lots of meetings, lots of forms. Then we went to panel, and were approved. We began the matching process, and were reading the profiles of children who were waiting for the right home, and deciding whether we could offer them what they needed. It was really heart-wrenching at times, I think particularly for us as a multi-cultural family – I’m Black and Matt is White. I saw so many children on that website who look like me; whose story and origins are like mine. I know that lots of families have to wait a long time for a match, but our experience was that social workers just kept calling us with potential matches. Black children are among those who wait the longest for an adoptive home; the right families for them are the hardest to find.

There was one child who, it felt like, stood out from the page at us. There was no picture, and no name, just a description. But something about those words just told us that this was our daughter.

We had a few meetings with her foster carers before arranging what they called a ‘bump-in’ meeting. They would take her to a park to play, and we would ‘just so happen’ to be in the same park that day. It’s totally bizarre, because in one sense, you’re doing the most normal thing in the word, wandering round a park. And yet it’s the most significant moment. We spotted this little one playing, with her huge eyes and brilliant smile – there was our girl.

She looks like me, and she looks like her siblings – which sounds silly, because of course she’s not biologically related to us – but I think this really matters. We were eating dinner together recently, and we were playfully bullying my poor husband because he’s the only White person in our family. We were talking about the different features we share and the things that make us all similar. Our daughter will likely grow up with lots of questions about who she is or where she belongs. It matters that she can navigate those questions in a home that can show reflections of her identity, in a home where she feels she fits in.

I think there should be more voices that sound like mine and faces that look like mine saying to the world that adoption is a beautiful thing. When we mentioned to some of our family and community that we wanted to adopt, we were met with some misconceptions and difficult perceptions. Within my culture, we often say that we can do things on our own; we can look after one another’s children without having to grow through social services, almost like an in-house adoption. That’s a beautiful thing, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

But I can’t help but remember all of those children on that website who looked like me. Right now, they are waiting for families. We can offer them the homes they need – we have to offer them the homes they need.

*Names have been changed for anonymity